The smile is seeking you

When I see how petty my grasping is, my incessant need to hold onto resentments, of others, of myself,

I have to laugh, because it is all meaningless.

Meaninglessness implies a void, a nothingness

I bring to the void pure creation, pure intention,

What I wish for deep in my soul, I will have today,

I will spend three weeks in resentment, then I see a person that I love, cry,

I reminded that we all suffer, we all seek to open our hearts,

it will happen in divine timing,

who says sadness, melancholy are any less beautiful than happiness and joy?

Have we just been conditioned this way?

Sadness and feelings of abandonment are my greatest teachers,

these teachers correct my course, warn me against paths of fake fulfillment,

dissolve false belief structures,

they shine the flashlight down the truer path,

they polish and sharpen up my soul for deeper insight and resilience,

as I wade deeper into swamp of sleeping souls in the battle for light and love,

In the wind,

the rustle of the leaves on a fall morning,

when the tears have dried,

the shouting is over,

the music and dance is done,

when the dead person is buried,

the wife has flown the coup,

Gaia is there, waiting for your boundless attention, waiting to catch you,

waiting for you to catch the soft presence of the Tao, be cradled and soothed by her

waiting for you to remember what is truly sustaining you,

she hears your crying and tears, and she loves you

in silence, stillness,

I am never, ever, ever alone,

On a desert island for 10 years and the rich energy, spirit, souls, are singing around me,

What beats your heart?

how does a heart know how to pump blood?  Who or what is is powering it along for millions of beats?

only a portion of what my higher source is, chose to incarnate is this fleshy world of illusions.

I am a relative manifestation of consciousness,

This world is the matrix, a video game,

my invisible spirit guides are me,

they are more me than this imaginary flesh self,

the source is playing hide and seek with herself again

The boredom, the withdrawal period from the mindless stimulation of technology is difficult,

the thought cauldron bubbles and boils, until it subsides,

I find the rapture and awe when I shut up and walk alone into the forest,

stillness is medicine, the plants are speaking to me, whispering an invitation to be still, soak in the awe,

I can see decades, centuries of patience and unconditional love in them,

they patiently await us hapless humans, always forgiving, always growing back,

waiting there for us to marvel at them and be enchanted by their beauty,

that flower reminds me why any physical material incarnation was meant for, just pure creation, pure art, beauty, pure child-like expression, love.

The plant wilts and smiles, she loves me, this tree loves me, because we are family, we came from the same place,  they will always forgive me,

nothing I do could ever make these plants, mother Earth, stop loving me, and endure, endure, endure, like the universal higher order of love.

We are a society of gnats that buzz around a lightbulb, when we live in Heaven

Is this Heaven?  What a shame for me to feel bad about anything today when I was gifted this magical sojourn in my organ sack, the organ sack is the ship, but the controls are up in space, when I tune in to them I have boundless perfection at my fingertips

I am addicted to noise,

I am addicted to physical bodies but they will never sustain me,

consistent orgasms with a beautiful women will only sink me deeper into the belief that material and flesh can sustain,

only more grasping, more need, more sickness there.

When I let up, when stress exhausts me, when carrying others’ burdens tires me,

I breathe in deep, and I let the gentle presence of nature and source come into my pores,

I realize the joy was always there, just beyond my addictions to noise, pettiness, flesh bodies.

The lightness comes into my soul and reminds me why I was put here.

The smile is always seeking me,

if only I could let my guard down and relax my worship of material, I will see boundless joy in infinity

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