A lot of people, if they spent a lot of time in close quarters, spent a week living with me for example………….. I would be able to feel you and all the repressed emotions that you think no one knows about or sees, because I literally FEEL the emotions of others as if they are MINE. That’s what being an empath is…..MY FAMILY has no interest in learning what this silly spiritual jargon is, it isn’t real to them.
So the problem with this, or a problem I have had my whole life is feeling like a chameleon, I have always felt like I am unconsciously mimicking a person, calibrating and being tuned to the channel of their mood, not being able to maintain a steady signal in my own channel, being neutralized and overpowered by whatever mood they are in. All my life I have had this sort of constant and always-looming fear……. why I am feeling anxious or sad, did I say something wrong? Did I do something to make them sad, mad, angry? Does this mean I am some shy, awkward, pushover who is just afraid and that I am coward?
This is a monumentally challenging task for an empath: establishing and staying in their own frequency, feeling and knowing what their OWN energetic output is, which for me, required ALOT of time alone, to feel what is mine and what are simply synthetically created patterns of the mind and patterns of shame that I picked up by osmosis simply by being around people who hate themselves and pretend to be happy and fit society’s false definition of what “wellness” is. What I never realized is that the reason I felt this almost everywhere I was and went, is because MOST people in American society are deeply sick and repress all their true emotions and it poisons them. Empaths can feel that, but they are labeled “weird, too sensitive, loner, anti-social.” because they don’t subscribe to this disgusting and fake life that is shoved down our throats.
So after spending a week with me and around you, I’ll basically be able to feel most of the things you feel in your heart and if it is different in the morning and at night, and if you have a dip in mood or if you are very light and happy. But the thing is, that people, feel this, they FEEL the frequency of a high-sensitive empath, and it is powerful, it is…..a presence….. (I’m still learning about this whole dynamic or should I say FEELING IT OUT with my heart AND DISCERNING WHAT’S WHAT)
So when the person feels it, they don’t really understand consciously, so the person’s ego and mind construct a story around it……“I feel slightly uncomfortable or exposed, sort of vulnerable, around Peter, it’s such a weird feeling and I can’t really explain it, I feel threatened, scared maybe……… he’s just weird!!” and THAT. gets pushed into one of the mind patterns’ grooves that go down a slope…. that a person has taken on from the catatonic-herd-mind of a one-dimensional view of what “optimal human behavior” is……like say, he’s awkward, he’s too quiet (consciously breathes every once in a while to not get stuck in the washing machine of verbal-diarrhea-monkey-food-fight that most people’s conversations are, he’s moody (doesn’t fake smile on cue ENOUGH). “It felt like he KNOWS me, or could SEE me in some way, I can’t make it out, but I don’t like it, he’s making himself available to be somewhat emotionally intimate in a calm and subtle way but I’ve never even been emotionally intimate with myself, so what the fuck!!! I’m not talking to him anymore!”
I feel I have to clarify some things here because seem to either not care what this means or even think it’s real. Being an empath means you don’t know what feelings are yours and what feelings are others, when you are in the presence of others. To be an empath is to literally be able to feel the heart pain of those around you, as if it is your own, and be hypersensitive to the energies of those around you.
-It feels like being an alien, that’s what being a high-sensitive empath feels like to me, I sit on a park bench by the water, seeing people walking by immersed in their thought coils about trivial matters, worried, clinging to constructs like marriage, and I think, man your just a majestic vessel for love and your amazing yet you spend it staring at that blue light screen and worrying about having a person you only half-love to have intercourse with? For what, to fit the role, fit the mask?
-It means I want every single conversation to be a heart-to-heart and ideally every single conversation would be about the meaning of life. It would be about how beautiful and wondrous and mysterious the force of love that composes and drives all living things is ineffable and incomprehensible. It means I want interactions with strangers to be as deep and heartfelt as with my loved ones and close friends- the heart finds this distinction silly. A human heart is a human heart.
-The reason I spend most of my time alone is QUITE SIMPLY…..MOST PEOPLE HATE THEMSELVES AND PRETEND TO BE HAPPY. And they are supported heavily by a society that hate themselves, and competes for external objects so their mommy will give them a gold star. I CAN FEEL YOU. Most people are so insecure and fearful that anything might de-stabilize their safe version of reality and all their illusions and repressed self-hatred, that they don’t want to be around someone who FEELS DEEPLY and can see their shadow in a crystal clear way. They are in an imaginary competition with me, because our society is run by sociopaths who taught them their soul is only worth physical beauty and money. I’m just looking to connect with another heart and people literally appear traumatized and emotionally suffering deeply at the coffee shop.
– As Sensitive Empaths we learn to harden our hearts because the fear and the ways that people shame us for expressing real emotion, become too painful. We learn to withdraw and hold it in and it will reach critical mass after a while, until you can’t wear the chains of the insecure who want you to hide because they can’t stand being faced with a real emotion and entertain even for a moment that their “happy” life is a sham.
-People are cynical and they don’t believe that someone can have depth because they don’t have it. They speak down to you because they fear heart, people who are heart-plegics and have lost the ability to feel any emotions don’t want to be reminded of this. The problem is compounded when an entire society supports and encourages the heart-plegic (paralysis) programming.
-what I have learned after all these years of pain and suffering, is that none of it was ever mine, I had to mistake it and learn it a thousand different ways, and transmute all types of humanities atrocities etc,
I know that what I experience………. is the pain of every single person I have ever known, being projected ONTO me because I am CLEAR mirror who they see as weak and I don’t have a ton of facades and “toughness” programming. I am an extremely gentle and sensitive person, so they see an opportunity to project all of their internal misery onto me and demonize me or talk down to me, but really they are just outsourcing a part of themselves in an elaborate trick they play on themselves to convince their psyche that they don’t actually hate themselves
There’s that shy, weird, kid Peter, I’m going to badmouth him, be angry with him, because he reflects the hidden parts of me that I have never confronted in myself. I don’t actually “hate” Peter but the reflection of my pain that I projected onto him. My softness triggers you because it is a red flag reminding you of your own softness and begging to come out of you and has been suffocated, smothered, and locked away for decades.
-People ARE TRIGGERED BY SENSITIVE PEOPLE. Because we life in a culture where brandishing a HARD SHELL IS MARKETED AND INGRAINED INTO PEOPLE AS AN IDEAL. As a high sensitive empath, your heart, aura, way of speaking, manner, words will TRIGGER THE FUCK OUT OF PEOPLE, everywhere you go, because this society is heart paralyzed and run by sycophantic power hungry MIND addicts. Intellectualism is so boring and blatantly fooling yourself into mastering a subject via a book, or a SYSTEM, or another, repackaged- SOMEONE ELSE’S IDEAS and systems. You think you have it all figured out because you know everything about the MIND yet the MIND enslaves you to it’s delusion and illusion of security, certainty and WINNING. Can’t solve a HEART problem with a MIND solution (why western psychology is pure horseshit). Control, analysis blah-blah nonsense, useless, MIND bullshit. Ever just shut your mouth and let yourself FEEL an emotion to it’s deepest depth? There is no “answer” like Psychologists want you to think. The language of the heart is divine and this feeling transcends rational or sequential language.
-Imagine having every single person you meet, in your entire life, do this to you? Project their shadow side onto you, Can you imagine what that might be like? This is the life of a high-sensitive empath. The empath’s energy field invites people into their aura and we take on and merge energy fields, in an effort to help heal people UNCONSCIOUSLY. WE CAN’T HELP IT and people feel this and are triggered by it, because most of the world live their lives in this manageable state of whack-a-mole repression that keeps anything even approaching an authentic emotion good and buried. That’s what all the NORMAL people, are. “NORMAL” to Americans, is being a repressed sociopath who never expresses real emotion or any anger or rage or anything even remotely human, because to express an authentic emotion is considered “pathology”.
Can you fathom that there exists knowledge, truths, outside of that programming, propaganda and brainwashing in the materialist, rationalist, strictly “reason” based information from school? Is it possible that things could be true if a movie wasn’t made about it or a book hasn’t yet been written about it? Hm….. extrovert fakers who are living your mommie’s and daddie’s life and never knew how to be yourself, never had the guts to do anything but put people down, as you cling to your illusions of sport-spectating and recycled-political-opinion identities?
Have you considered your programming when you call someone “shy” or “awkward” or “loner”? Have you considered the thousand pound boulders that weigh down their heart? That they consider and have more important things to deal with in their hearts and spirits? Have you considered the crosses they bear? Or have you only considered how comfortable you are made to feel with your fragile little box-like worldview while this person is in your presence?
Have you considered that the beautiful girl that you went out with from tinder, has a heart that feels things and is not satisfied and fulfilled by being “the most beautiful face”? And that it actually makes it 1000 times harder to connect with people when you feel. every single male they have ever encountered just wants to fuck you and they don’t feel they have any value beyond that? I can’t. I could try, but I can’t. Empathy: a desire to hear with the heart is required here. Could you possibly know what’s that’s like? What must it be like for these women and girls growing up in this dripping-with-sex culture- to be shown that they are not allowed to have emotions and they only function to be something to fuck?
Have you considered that people crave and thirst, and yearn for things that are more complex than a bank account, a house, an expensive wedding and Facebook photo with a lot of likes? The reason you can’t or won’t even attempt to conceive of any of this, is because you believed the lie that popular culture sold you, that you really are that shallow and that all of those things will satisfy you. How could one expect you to see depth in another person when you are incapable of looking down into YOUR OWN heart? So it isn’t personal, but it is societal brainwashing and the majority are supported and safe in their shallow, vain, existences that attempt to imprison, pull in hearts (like quicksand) that seek to be free from the prison act of shallow, hollow, existences that reach their pinnacle with a porsche and the punching of a clock, while there is always a thought that is mostly drowned out, so as to be barely audible by now….. what if this isn’t ALL THERE IS? What if there is more?….we’ll leave that for after another 30 years of TV and fantasy football, and mindless conversation!
Have you considered how buried, suffocated, and in pain, the heart of the fashion model is? The world has assigned her a role and they won’t hear of this “heart stuff” only the sex-laden programming of advertising. ACT IN ACCORDANCE WITH YOUR MASK! What you “see” in her is merely the trauma and self-hatred that you project onto her, that is bolstered by the unmet needs of love in your childhood that society told you could be quenched by signing a contract with a good looking body to “wed”? How could the soul of the supermodel be expressed differently, if we weren’t born into a diseased herd mind of dopamine-orgasm-slaves that can be controlled and manipulated into buying or doing or saying anything as long as it is shiny or it gives them a boner?
Who could that girl be, the one who is hated in high school for being beautiful? The one that all the others act angry towards because they think she has what society wants, not knowing that she is just as miserable as the overweight girl. That they have both been enslaved and INDOCTRINATED INTO A pattern of thought an entire system that was meant to devalue all human souls, at the expense of CONSUMPTION….our God.
What composes the prison of the “most beautiful woman you have ever seen”? How has society put her in this prison of expectation, giving her this convenient sort of funnel, like here, just be the “pretty one” just relax into it, don’t go striving to be anything else. I’ll smile at you as long as you SERVE me, VALIDATE me, give me your number.
So aren’t all “roles” like this in a way? I need you to SERVE ME. Be MEDIOCRE, so I am safe around you in my imaginary competition…… be the funny one, make me laugh………. be the quiet one, so I can feel better about myself around you. This is why solitude and long periods of silence is the only option for anyone who considers a healthy and true existence. Sycophantic vampires are everywhere that will infect you with their sickness.
To me, it’s like a complexly weaved web of these gravitational forces being beamed towards every person, several, coming from one person, the EXPECTATION and level of comfort is dictated by the person and we all can’t feel it consciously but unconsciously you just sort of mesh in and become a chameleon and act a certain way around a certain person you know because maybe that person is a bit fragile and maybe it’s the way you relate to them and usually it’s the same type of shallow, or low level of depth (for most people). It can become overwhelming, say when people from different circles in your life, come together all at once and you’re not sure exactly how to act, because you might act differently around each person, so it’s like an overload, because several EXPECTATION frequencies are being beamed at you and pulling you in different direction. The Expectation prisons and prisons of comfort are what keep people repressed and their heart locked away for their whole life.